Enjoy our beautiful weekend at the Aquarium!!

Driving with Dillon

"Mom, I wish you were three!"
"You wish I was three?"
"Yes". He nods excitedly.
"What would we do if I was three?"
"We could go to Auntie Pat's together... you and me!"

=) =)

I love the things he shares as we are driving along!! We spent the rest of the car ride home, talking about what we would do at Auntie Pat's (play and play and play and read stories), and if everybody was a kid, who would cook and do the laundry and go to work. What fun!!!

Auntie Pat cares for Dillon while I teach at Biola. She is definitely an answer to prayer, Dillon loves her and she loves caring for him. Thanks God!!! He often is sad when I come to pick him up, he wants to stay and play!!!



One more thing...


Dillon's language.
"The train is horn-i:g"
"I am the food-er" (this was said when he was feeding our cat.)

So cute, I love it!!! =) =)

A new member of our family!!

We once again have entered the pet world!! This time we adopted a 1.5 year old cat. She is a wonderful cat with a sweet personality. She loves Todd and gets excited when he comes home. She likes us too, but I am always busy and A & D get a little too much for her at times. I was slow to warm up to the idea, but am now thankful. It really is amazing how something as common as a cat can give us a glimpse of God's creativity and majesty in His creation!!! It seems like it would be so much fun to be a cat!! She sleeps most of the day, goofs around at night for a few hours, and then sleeps. What a life!! And now, after two weekends of hard work (aren't you impressed??), she has a fun new scratching post to escape to and play on!! Can I be a cat for a few weeks??? =) =)

Up and Down

The weather lately has been an outward display of what I have been experiencing in my soul. One day it is sunny and warm, the next day is cloudy and raining. January is always a tough month for our family. The bright hope of a New Year is always overshadowed by the anniversary of my brother's death. That in itself is such a mixed combination of emotions. I smile as I recall his love of family and friends, his earnest desire to know the truth, his generosity with time and money. Then I am awash with the grief of missing a brother, of missing the life that was supposed to be here, now. Grieving brings loneliness, a feeling of isolation. What am I going to say to the dreaded question "How are you doing?". How do I explain feelings I barely can predict or begin to understand.? If I answer "not that great", it always seem that an explanation is expected.

Beyond this constant ache, someone is always sick. This requires up to 6 different medications and inhalers a day, definitely a hard sell on a good day and especially hard when the patient is not feeling well.

So, life is a bit of a challenge, for this girl who loves routine and predictability. Flexibility is a quality I long to have. So my heart's cry is perseverance. I am in the middle of our study of Joshua, and learning that while the battle may be won, there is still a war to be fought. I must continue to battle, and know that God is fighting this battle, He promises His presence, and He keeps His promises. As this story is told and re-told in the book of Joshua, I am slowly beginning to understand what that really means.

Yet January does bring the hope of a New Year. I love that. I have made a list of traditional Resolutions, which I have not kept, but I am ok with that. I like having a target to aim for.

February has included the fun of Valentine's day, I love celebrating loving my family!! We mailed off our Valentines a little late this year, but we did it!!! I celebrate all victories!!!

The other bright spots that shine against this backdrop of sorrow are my precious children and their funny antics.
-Just today Anna was relishing that she got the last tortilla left. "I got the last one!" was her joyful cry!! Todd asked for a small piece and she generously says "sure", tearing off a pea-sized piece, just as directed!!!
-Dillon insists on calling a famous clothing store "Old Lady".
-He also calls his bedroom "dea-droom"... which sounds like "dead-room"!! =)

And, the best for last... Anna is reading!!! This process is requiring quite a bit of patience, which God continually provides, yet what a joy!! Tonight she read some words from the Bible!!! I love it!!!

Time permits me of sharing all the other funny stories and times of struggle. With Dillon and Anna being sick, Biola starting up again, and the increased time required for working with Anna on her reading, sight words, and homework, I made the difficult choice to give up blogging for a while. I am hoping now, with their recovery in sight, I will be able to begin again!!! Who knows!!! It is a good thing that I am learning to be flexible!!!

I will end tonight with a few fun pictures, enjoy!!!

Happy Valentine's Day!!

Thanks for the Valentine's gift Grammy and Poppy!!

Happy Birthday to our first president!!

Where we have been....

So in case you are wondering, we drove to Northern California to hang out with my aunt, uncle and family, for a short day and a half, picked up Todd from the airport and then drove the rest of the way to Portland for Christmas with our families. How we miss them!! We had great fun, in fact, had so much fun that I forgot to take pictures!! When my family gets a chance to send me their photos, I will post them, but for now, here is one I did manage to grab, Anna and Dillon on Christmas morning with Uncle Mark. I so miss our family!!!


December was filled with parties and shopping and birthday fun, making cookies, time with family, visits with lots of family in Oregon and Washington, so are you surprised I was totally sick over New Years!!! Yes, I went to sleep at 9pm, by myself, on the 31st, shivering with chills from a fever, when all my friends celebrated the New Year at the party I was looking forward to!!! Oh well, I am happy to say that I have matured, it didn't really bother me too much, I was full of fun memories with family and friends in December, and knew I couldn't help being sick, and there are more important things!!! I am growing up, yay!!! =) =) Being sick really tired me out, thus the lack of posts, plus January is always a challenge... more about that tomorrow.... I am learning to have realistic expectations of what I can get done. I suppose this will always be a struggle, after much struggling in prayer I am at a good place, at least right now. Who knows what tomorrow will hold??? =) =)

Good night!!

just a thought.... can we talk to someone about making December an extra few weeks longer, maybe shorten January??? Just a thought!!! =)

More memories....

So December was such a world-wind... there is such a balance between enjoying the season and getting everything done that I would like. My new plan is to get all, or most, of the shopping done, maybe in the summer??? so that I can relax a bit more in December, and really enjoy the season.

Fun times in December: Anna's school performance, so sweet!! She shined as she sang her songs and smiled and danced and did her hand motions, what a star!!! She brings such joy and delight to those who watched her preform!!!

Anna also had a Christmas party at school, on the 20th, my birthday!! Such fun!! The children decorated cookies, exchanged books, and watched the teachers open their gifts. The teachers showed such delight in each gift, it was fun to see the children beam as their gift was opened. Such a special time!!!


The last few memories I leave you with (it is getting late and I have more to accomplish tonight):

Our family Christmas celebration, a few days before our trip north. It was so fun and precious to see Anna and Dillon open the gifts they bought for each other.... what can be better than seeing the joy they got out of giving!!!Our annual Christmas celebration with our special friends. See his impromptu story time!!!

Fun memories from Christmas

Yes, I know this is late... but still fun to remember and enjoy!!

So, what to write about?? Some friends of mine all got together for out 2nd annual cookie bake... about 30 dozen cookies in 7 hours, not bad, hunh?? That was a lot of fun, I so treasure time with girl friends!! Of course, a big thank you to Todd who shared me for the day!!

I was able to do one of my favorite things for my birthday, on the 20th. The two days prior I was busy making dozens of cookies, and then Anna and Dillon and I went around town delivering our treats!!! So much fun, and a great way to spend my special day, with friends and bringing Christmas treats!!! We all had dinner later and opened gifts, of course, but the delivery was my favorite part!!


Yummy!! I was happy with how they came out... considering I did not have much time and was going to leave they next day for Northern California and then Portland!!! Yikes!! It was so worth it, and hopefully next year I will have time to make and deliver more cookies. Fun memories!!

Chistmas Eve

The Christmas eve service we attended (In Oregon, at my parents' church) was so beautiful. The Pastor challenged us to be God's messengers, sharing the good news with others who do not know. The most beautiful part came early in the service. The worship pastor called all the children up to sing a song and then hear the Christmas Story. Anna went up... she loves going on stage. Dillon chose to safely stay with mommy and daddy. Actually, Anna had already asked to go up on stage with the choir and sing!!! =)

So, after they sang a few verses of a fun Christmas tune, the worship pastor asked the children to share something about Christmas, and he would insert the lyrics into the song, so they could all sing a few new verses. So, out of the 50+ children that went up on stage, Anna raises her hand, and they give her the microphone.... what is she going to say??? At first, she is quiet. Maybe looking at the 500+ people in the audience in causing her to fall silent???

"What is your favorite part of Christmas?", the worship pastor prompts.

Then Anna, in a confident voice, says...

"Baby Jesus came to earth to die on the cross for our sins!"

I am stunned that this is what she choses to say, in front of all these people! I love it!!! Anna has definitely enjoyed the gift giving time of Christmas, and does delight in church and Jesus and all the stories of Christmas... yet the fact that this is what she choses to share fills me with joy. She is understanding all of what my heart longs for her to understand. Praise God!!!

December Highlights

I love December!! I wish it was two months long, instead of only 31 short days!!!

I have so much joy to share... but I am recovering from all the fun and busyness, so... here is the best one, and I will leave the rest for another day..

some thoughts from a tired mom...

Once again, fatigue prevents me from writing a lot. I just wanted to give you this one thought this evening. I started running again, yay!! It is hard to start back up again, not being at all where I wanted to be. I decided I would start, at least. What is exciting is that, if I keep up this discipline, then I will be able to do something (run farther, longer,with less fatigue) that I cannot do now!! As I run my route, I know that in a few weeks, I will run it faster and feel better!! And that gives me hope... not just in running, but in life too. I catch myself wondering how I can possibly parent a teenager... if I can barely handle the "keep-your-room-clean" and "do a good job of eating at the table now, so that you won't be hungry later" stage!!! Yet, I really feel that, in part, the same principle applies. If I keep up the discipline of consistently and calmly parenting Anna and Dillon, I will eventually be able to do what seems impossible now... parent them when I am working on the "get home by midnight, tell me where you are going and who you will be with and no dating until you are ready to think about marriage" stage. Yikes!!!

Of course, as is the case now, all my parenting is accomplished through relying on God's strength and wisdom, and by saying I can "do" parenting, I merely mean I have learned how to be the vehicle through which God can parent my children, I will better at letting go of the results, and giving those to God, and focus on glorifying Him in how I parent Anna and Dillon.

Hopefully you will catch a bit of this convoluted rambling... I did warn you I was tired and busy, as usual!!! =)

Thanks for listening!!!

tonight...

I am tired, I have lots of work still to do... and Todd wakes up tomorrow for a 5:30am Bible study... did I mention how thankful I am that he is in this study?? =)

So, no blogging tonight... hopefully tomorrow!

Thanksgiving Festivities!!

Oops!!

I guess I took too long putting Dillon to bed... because the by the time I got to Anna, who was waiting for me to do our bedtime routine (Daddy was gone tonight)... well, you see!!!

So sweet, and so sad!! I guess we can read stories, pray, and practice her sight words tomorrow!!! =)

Rock, Paper, Pencil?

When my mom was here visiting, we had so many fun times!!! While we were enjoying our last day at Disneyland, (having purchased 4 day passes back in May), we were waiting for the Christmas Parade. To pass the time Anna and my mom started to play "rock, paper, scissors". My mom paused and told Anna she couldn't make scissors with her hands (her struggle with an auto-immune disease has left her hands with limited mobility ). So Anna suggests, "you can use a pencil"!!! What a creative thinker!! I love it!! How precious!!

What I love even more, as I consider this story, is that Anna was so matter-of-fact about it. There was no emotion or sadness, that is just the way things are. To her, it is normal. Lots of things are normal to her. Pictures of some of her grandparents, and her Uncle J-J, remind her that some of her family that loved her dearly are not with us anymore. To her, this is normal. She occasionally will say that she "misses" Great-Grandma, or Uncle J-J, and seems sad for a few moments. The sadness is temporary, and not overwhelming.

This makes me wonder if we can learn from her attitude. Her expectations of life are different then ours, I think, she is more accepting of the things that we fight against... aging, death, illnesses. She gets that it is a sad thing, she is sad, and then moves on. So often my unmet expectations are so frustrating, it feels impossible... or at least, very difficult. Maybe that is part of "Paul's Secret", the secret of being content. Contentment, at some level, must mean to accept aging, illness, and dying as a part of life.... not to get upset that it is here, but accept its presence, fight against it when necessary, and realize that some battles will be lost, but the ultimate victory is a spiritual one, isn't it?? One day, we will shed these bodies that we struggle against, these, at times, inconvenient vessels, and appear in Glory with our Beloved, to spend eternity with Him!!!

I can't even imagine what that must be like.

A lot can happen in ten years!!!

I love my sister and miss her so much!! I am so happy for her, for them!!!

I am here!!!

Though not for long!! I was super grumpy for a few days, so I never blogged. Then I got out of the habit!! Yikes! Just like that!! Now you have missed so much... where do I start?? A fun weekend, learning new ways to celebrate the holidays, dinner with friends, a week of hanging out with my mom!! Such fun!!! And then, more family visiting... Todd's parents for a week!! Such fun around here. Thanksgiving was a blast... lots of good food and a fun and relaxing day. And, as if that is not enough, we squeezed in a day at Disneyland with Grammy and a trip to the aquarium with Grandma and Grandpa. A lot can happen in three weeks!!

So here is my dilemma... what to spend my time on??? I love to blog, yet my family has this need for clean clothes and a semi-clean house!! I want to also devote time to Bible study, helping Anna out with her homework and writing, papers to grade and lessons to plan for Biola, spending time in the evening with Todd and whomever happens to be visiting, playing with Dillon and experiencing life through his eyes... such a slower pace!! I also want to fit in time emailing friends and family and hanging out with my girlfriends at least once every two months!!!

This was all overwhelming, until I finally stopped to really listen to what God was telling me. I don't have to figure out how to make all this work.... any plan I make is just that, a plan. It will not happen according to My Plan, but according to His. Time can be so easily wasted by worrying about the next moment, and how to fit everything into the 16-18 hours I have each day.

I want to make a plan, and work on sticking to it, knowing that everything has its time. If the plan doesn't work, I just skip something for that day... no worries. The laundry will get done, eventually, the house cleaned, the blog written, the papers graded. I either stay up later, or put it off for another day. Why waste energy worrying about the to do list left undone???

I want to put my energy toward enjoying this wonderful life, family, home, friends, and job that I do have. I want to be able to pause and help Anna with her request, not continually tell her... just let mommy finish cleaning a little more....

In honor of Thanksgiving.... I am thankful for so many things.... here are a few...

1. Anna's cards and posters of her and her mommy together.
2. Dillon's smile when he sees me.
3. Todd's sacrifice in working at a job he doesn't always enjoy and in cooking/cleaning when he is also tired from a long day.
4. Dillon keeps asking for a Bible like Anna's
5. Anna loving Dillon and always saying that she is thankful for her "brother named Dillon" on every Thanksgiving craft.
6. Anna's new love of "journaling"

....so many more... but I promised to be off by 10.

What you can look forward to...
"Ten Years"
"Thanksgiving Feast"
"A Day at Disneyland"
"Rock, Paper, Pencil"
"Anna's Prayer"
"Victory"

until tomorrow... hopefully!!

What happened???

What happened to the writer of this blog? She has been replaced by this crazy, delusional women, who is desperately trying to stay up and finish all her work... catch up on all the laundry, grade all the tests, and iron a few shirts... just a few hours should do it. I can't wait until this crazy women goes away so I can take a rest... of course, then I will get behind...and that crazy women will return... how to find the balance??? Hmm....

Maybe tomorrow you will read a more interesting post... maybe it will be called "What a difference ten years make!" Stay tuned.... =)

What we did a week ago...

Happy Harvest Time!!

Fun with friends...









Happy Penguins!!!
I would have taken more pictures... but Todd stayed home and I was flying solo!! Wow, attending a Harvest Festival without Todd made me really appreciate Him!! What an exhausting evening, trying to keep track of my two penguins amongst a sea of dinosaurs, princesses, clowns, and various other animals and characters!! Yikes!!!

So, you will just have to imagine Anna and Dillon vainly trying to throw balls and bean bags and hoops through various holes and onto pegs. They thoroughly enjoyed themselves, despite poor aim and limited success... thankfully they get candy just for their effort!! What a night!!!

Silence

I sit down to write, and I am met with silence. Today I have been tired... life just seems too much sometimes. Our church occasionally organizes a "soul care" day. That is what I need now. I guess I will have to settle for a soul care moment... maybe an hour, instead of an entire day. Silence is so refreshing... so I will sit here and pray, and think.

I am reminded of an illustration I heard yesterday. We are too often stuck in a digital world, the time right now is 8:46. God sees time as a clock, he sees life 5 minutes ago, 5 minutes from now... It is an interesting thought... do I get too caught up in the moment... too worried about how I feel right now... too burdened with all the things I want to accomplish right now??? Those things will get done, maybe it will take longer than I would like... but that is ok. And, above all else, God sees, He knows, and He provides the strength for what is now 8:49, and will provide the strength for the next 5 minutes, the next 5 years, and then next 50 years....

Hmmmmmm....................

"The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness."
Lamentations 3:22-23

"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me."
Philippians 4:13

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go."
Joshua 1:9

They are right about kindergarten!!!

We spent 45 minutes with Anna's teacher on Friday, and not once did she mention anything about her behavior!! It was all about... these are the results of Anna's testing, this is what she has been learning, this is what she will be learning. So academic!! I really feel that her teacher does a great job of incorporating all the standards into fun and engaging projects, and I am very thankful for that. Yet still, it does feel like a lot to expect out of a 5 year old.

Now she is starting to memorize sight words... it is requiring quite a bit of creativity to figure out how to present that in an engaging way to Anna... she does not enjoy simply flipping through flash cards!! I am wishing that I had taken a few elementary ed. classes along with my secondary ed. program at Biola!!! So, we are busy playing sight-word memory, and today I helped her write a story using her sight words. I feel like I am home-schooling her!!! We are having fun with it, and I am so glad I have friends who teach... they offer a great perspective and great ideas. Thanks guys!!!

Here is her book.