p.s. to #10

Reflecting on what I wrote, what I learned was this: Just because I didn't do as well as my sister, doesn't mean that I did something wrong. I was, and still so often do... trying to strive after the wrong model of success. Some may say "be the best Brenda you can be". Yes, there is some truth to this, but it still falls short, it is incomplete. Really, the question is, "Did I bring God glory? Was the end result of that action, that choice, glory given to God, or not?" That is really the crucial mark of success. Nothing else. Nothing else.

Wow, that is so often difficult to remember, or even to measure. Yet, that is the question we must ask ourselves, every day, every moment.

#9: Baby Powder is Useful at the Beach....

...but not in the hands of a curious 5 year old!!! Yikes!!!

Here is a funny post to balance #10.

I recently have discovered the benefits of baby powder at the beach. Did you know that if you sprinkle some on wet sandy skin, the sand smooths right off without that scratchy uncomfortable feeling!! Try it!!! But, do not leave it unattended outside your child's bedroom. If you do, make sure her ceiling fan is not spinning at high speed..... because...

Baby Powder is a mess to clean up!!!

We checked in on Anna around 10pm, just before going to bed. Her room smelled like baby powder. Actually, come to think of it, the hallway also smelled of powder. Wait, her entire floor is covered with a light film of power...WHAT DID SHE DO????? I investigated further and found a small pile of power in the corner of her room, my feather duster covered in powder, and then realized that her ceiling fan had been on high... and over 2 hours had passed since I said "Sweet Dreams"!!! Yikes!!! Her story, the next day??? "Well, I wanted to play with the powder, so I made a pile. Then, I wanted to clean it up, but it kept falling over, and....".

After dragging her floor rug into the hallway and removing as much of the powder as I could, I went to bed. The next day, we had the "tell mommy when something like this happens" lecture, that even if she knew she did something wrong, it is worse to not tell mommy. Also we had the lecture about the dangers of baby powder, etc. THREE hours later, her room was clean, organized, and we even got rid of a bit of clutter in the process. A good ending to a frustrating... yet funny... story. I hope you enjoyed this one!!! =)

#10: It is Good to be Me!!

I said I would share about the life of a competitive twin. Yes, we were competitive, but only in the sense that I was always wanting to be as good as my sister. It wasn't something that my parents caused or overlooked, I remember many times my mom encouraging me that I was different than Rebecca, was doing fine, etc. This was all something I placed on myself, and, I think, not always consciously. Becca would always read faster, and thus read more books than me. She would always score slightly higher on any test, get better grades, etc. Now, lest you feel sorry for me... don't!!! Me thinking I didn't do as good as Becca meant I received a 92% to her 98%.... I am simply talking about the difference between an "A" and and "A+"!!! Yikes!!!

It is amazing how distance and time places a whole new perspective on this. I did well in school, read many interesting books, had a great and dynamic social life, and a committed relationship, all through high school and college!!! Yet it wasn't until a few weeks ago that I really put all this to rest. Several events helped me gain perspective. I read this line in a book that basically said "don't define your life by your failures." I gasped when I read this, that was me!!! That is what I do!!! I never thought that there was another way of defining your life!!! Yikes!!!

The really crucial point came in a conversation with two close friends in a lovely time-share in Avila Beach. (More about this in another post.... details to come...) The statement that sealed the deal??? "Brenda, you are not your sister, you are you." The light finally came on. All this time I had thought I didn't succeed because I didn't reach my sister's standard. I guess I unconsciously thought that since we were twins, I should be able to do everything she could do, and when I didn't, it was because of some short-coming on my part. I was amazed by the sense of.... I don't know.... relief maybe. Relief that I hadn't screwed up my whole life, relief that I had been a good Brenda... that I didn't need to try to be a Rebecca.

I am being a bit dramatic..I know, no surprise there!! Logically, I know I have a good life, I have done good things, I have gotten good grades. It just never felt like enough. I also know that this drive for perfection is deceptive, based on the premise that I, a sinful human being, could somehow be perfect. No, I never can, I need my Savior to even want to be good. I need His Spirit alive in me, so that I can evidence His fruit. I feel like I lived life looking through a lens that was not quite focused, and now, that focus is clearer. I know it will never be clear this side of Heaven, but I am thankful for the freedom and healing that this better-focused lens has brought, and will continue to bring.

So, as a teacher, I ask you. Who is your twin?? What is the standard that you compare yourself to? It is so easy to forget the words of Paul "All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God".

I am still working through all this...thanks for listening!!

Did you give up on me??

Ok, I said I would return, so here I am!! Here are the ten things, in no particular order (unless otherwise specified...)=)